Where art thou, Commander?
by TenyumeKasumi
Summary: It's Shepard's birthday! The crew are looking all over for her but she's nowhere to be found. Just where is she hiding and what can they do to lure her out? Well, someone knows the answer to both. But he's content to keep the knowledge to himself for now, thank you very much.


Commander Shepard was nowhere to be seen.

The crew had looked everywhere; combed the entirety of the CIC, the hidey-hole in Engineering, the nooks and crannies of the War Room, the dark, shadowy corners of the shuttle bay and even, upon Javik's insistence, the air-lock, but to no avail. As a desperate move, they sent Tali up to Shepard's quarters in the loft to check under the commander's table and bed, simply because it was among the few places of the ship they had yet to search and EDI was refusing any help whatsoever. The crew waited with bated breath, only to collectively groan in disappointment when Tali came back down alone with a shrug of her shoulders. Even Joker, by his place at the helm and having access to all live video feeds throughout the Normandy, was for once keeping silent.

Resuming their search, the crew tried the Crew Deck level while Kenneth volunteered to crawl through the vents on the off chance she taken refuge in the maze of the ventilation system. Gabby merely rolled her eyes at this and walked away, muttering incoherently under her breath as she accompanied Adams to investigate the med bay.

Meanwhile, the hulking form of James Vega marched confidently toward the Main Battery with a bit of swagger in his step. Reaching the doors, he didn't bother with giving any prior notice and just barged in, figuring that if Shepard could do it, he could do it too.

"Hey, Scars!" he called out jovially, the ever-present grin on his chiselled face. "You seen Lola around today? None of the crew can find her. We figured she must be holing up some place she thinks she can stay hidden forever."

Twisting around from the main gun terminal to face the muscular man, Garrus tilted his head and gave a quirk of his mandibles. His reply came out in a low, reverberating rumble. "No, I can't say I have."

James shifted his weight to one leg and scratched his head. "Aw man, and we're running out of time. Look man, I know you're busy and all but if you see Lola, just… distract her or something and stall, send me a beep and we'll be right over. There's no way even Commander Shepard can escape all of us cornering her at once."

A rasping sort of noise escaped Garrus' throat, an approximation of a snort. "Be careful, James. Wild animals get feral and unpredictable if you force them into a corner. You might get hurt."

"Heh. Maybe," grinned James. "But hey, it'll be worth it. Besides, I think I'm big enough to handle a few scratches from a little wildcat."

"And I think you'll change your perspective on Shepard being a wildcat if you ever let her hear you call her that. I'd be careful if I were you, James."

"Aw, don't be such a spoil sport, Scars," James waved a hand dismissively, turning back around to exit the room. "Anyway, I should let you get back to work. If you see her…"

The air whistling past his pointed teeth, Garrus sighed. "Oh, all right. But it's your head on the chopping block, not mine."

James gave the turian a thumbs up and a wide-toothed grin. "Thanks a bunch, Scars. Owe you one!" With a gentle swoosh of parting air, he walked out, the doors sliding shut behind him once more. Turning his attention back to the softly glowing terminal, Garrus resumed tapping at the controls and running through the calibrations and numbers. There was absolute silence in the room save for his gloved talons tapping at the omni-board and the gentle hum of the ship's engine and drive core one level below.

"Just how long do you plan on hiding there?" he suddenly addressed the empty room.

"Until the next day's cycle starts," came the muffled reply from deeper in the Main Battery.

"Aw come on, don't be like that," Garrus said placatingly with a teasing note in his voice, almost a coo, as he abandoned the terminal and stripped off his work gloves. He tossed them over his shoulder carelessly as he approached the machinery along the pathway to the right.

"I don't care. I have a right to."

Stopping at the alcove where he kept his things, Garrus bent down to peer under the storage compartment and meet Shepard's disgruntled scowl head-to-head.

"Come on, Shepard. Nobody should have to act like a grouchy old wildcat on their birthday, after all."

Said 'wildcat' snarled, clenching her fists in the fabric of her hoodie. "James is so dead when I next see him."

If he were human, Garrus speculated, he would probably be doing that weird eye-roll thing humans usually did when they were exasperated. But since he wasn't, he settled for lowering himself down onto the floor and sitting himself opposite her, leaning his back against the wall.

"You could lighten up a little, you know. Let the crew have their fun. After all, they have been planning your surprise party for over a week now."

Shepard, still staying crouched in the shadow of the storage unit with her legs drawn up to her chest and arms around her knees, did her best to send him a baleful look. "You never told me about a surprise party."

She merely got a grin and a mischievous twitch of mandibles in reply. "Whoops. Guess my tongue slipped."

When she gave a derisive snort and averted her gaze, tucking her chin into her knees, he couldn't help but chuckle at her rare display of childishness. "Look at you; the great Commander Shepard, running away from her own crew because she's scared of her own birthday. If the Reapers had known about this, we'd have lost the war years ago."

"Shut up."

"Hm, I wonder what Admiral Hackett would say if he could see you now?"

"Garruuus," she whined, burying her face in her arms and further muffling her voice.

He nudged her with a booted toe. "Admit it, Shepard. You're sulking."

"I am not."

"You almost never act like this. Ever."

"Not funny."

"And I think it's cute."

She slowly lifted her head to glare at him again, but it lacked the venom her previous one did. Garrus just rasped a chuckle again and extended a hand to brush her cheek. "Come here. You don't plan on staying under there forever, are you?"

Wordlessly, Shepard untangled her legs and crawled out of the dark, cramped space to settle herself next to Garrus. She shuffled a little to nestle herself against him and he put an arm around her shoulders, drawing her close. She relaxed into the touch, closing her eyes in contentment as she rested a hand on his outstretched leg and began drumming a senseless rhythm with her fingers on an armoured knee.

Coughing a little to resume the conversation, he uttered, "So, mind enlightening the turian why you flee from a celebration in honour of your birth like a vorcha runs from a bar of soap?"

Despite herself, Shepard felt her lips quirk up in a smile. "A woman doesn't like to be reminded of her age. Especially me. Besides, it's embarrassing."

"Well, If it's worth anything, you'll still be the most beautiful woman in whole galaxy to me no matter how old you are, Shepard," Garrus said in a low, deep murmur, turning his head to look into her eyes. She froze, her breath caught in her throat as she looked up into his impossibly clear blue eyes which bared all his emotions to her, told her everything he could not find the voice to say. She met his gaze steadily, hoping he was seeing in her eyes what she was seeing in his. They stared into each other's souls for a moment longer, and then slowly, gracefully, tilted forward and allowed their foreheads to touch.

Soft, pliant skin met tough, leathery hide. One warm and the other hot. Human and turian. Smooth and rugged. With her eyes shut, Shepard grazed a mandible with the tip of her finger from memory, chuckling a little when it flicked involuntarily. At the same time, she felt his three-fingered hand come up to the back of her head to thread his clawed fingers through the sleek strands of her hair. So very different from each other, yet very much the same. Either way, these were two individuals in the galaxy who couldn't care less.

It was a timeless moment, frozen in time just for them, so neither could have been certain of how much time had passed. It might have been a minute, two, or maybe even an hour. But when they finally reopened their eyes and pulled apart, it still felt like it wasn't enough.

"So," Garrus drawled, trailing his hand down from her hair to trace her cheekbone with the back of a knuckle. "What do you say we turn the tables and give the crew a few surprises themselves at your own 'surprise' birthday party?"

Shepard groaned again, leaning back and hitting her head lightly against the wall as she sagged against it. "Do I have to?"

"Well, no… " Garrus rumbled, an amused tone entering his voice. "But I guess that would mean you'd miss out on the chocolate mud cake– "

Instantly sitting bolt upright with comically wide eyes, she snapped her head toward him so fast she almost got whiplash. "There's chocolate mud cake?"

He grinned. "Traynor ordered it straight from that five-star premium bakery on Illium. I'm talking first-grade stuff here, Shepard. Still think you want to give it a skip?"

Giving him an indignant look, she sent a half-hearted punch at his bicep – which was about as effective as throwing water at a duck, as her fist glanced harmlessly off his armour. "This isn't fair. This is bribery. Cheating."

Fighting down the urge to snicker, Garrus responded, "This is tactical application of knowledge, Shepard. Just admit it, you can't say no to chocolate."

She hesitated for a moment, warring briefly between giving in and holding her ground, before one side was given the inevitable victory.

"Oh, fine," she conceded, giving him a look of mock disdain as she rose to her feet with an unnecessarily dramatic sweep. "But remember, I'm doing it for the cake."

Grinning up at her, he accepted her hand and hauled himself up to meet her. "That's my girl," he said approvingly, brushing his mouth against hers in an imitation of a kiss, his mandibles flaring and tickling her chin. She laughed lightly, bringing her hand up to stroke his cheek with a feathery touch.

He rumbled appreciatively before withdrawing slightly. "If you want that cake, we'd better hurry or we'll be late to the party."

"It's my party, they can wait," she snorted, failing to hide the grin on her face.

"Then would you allow this turian to escort his lovely lady to the ball?" said Garrus amorously, a roguish glint in his eye as he offered her his arm. Shepard laughed, lacing her own arm through his and settling her other hand on his elbow.

"Lead the way, soldier."

* * *

**A/N:** HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SHEPARD! :DDD

I wrote this all in one sitting, and yet I can't finish a collaborative SI work (Galactic Life, and Reapers - found in LegionN7's profile, do check it out! I'm writing the character of Vanessa Valentine) and the April Fools contest submission. There's something wrong with me. Or maybe I just love my Shepard too much and thought she deserves a proper birthday (whether she likes it or not). :3

Partly inspired by the Mass Effect community at LJ, which asked what your Shepard would do on their birthday. Since I would be pretty shy about it and try not to draw attention, I imagine my Shep would do something similar. And seriously, chocolate is the answer to everything. Let no one say any different. :P

- Kasumi

P.S.: I was having Secret Recipe's chocolate mud cake in mind as I wrote this. Oh gosh, I would really like a slice or two or five right now.


End file.
